Motivation

Well, I started this blog with the idea that it would help me to get a job in a community college and that I should consolidate the google search results for my writing. I was kind of bummed that I had started a blog, just because I try to avoid all of that online stuff. So I just let it lay dormant, and hoped it would just be an online resume.
Now I'm working in a high school full time, and this blog doesn't really serve a purpose anymore. The 6am grind has really gotten to me. We seem to be teaching to the test. Skills, skills, skills. The kids say two pages is long. We don't teach writing; it's not tested on the 11th grade SOL. I feel so far away from MFA land now. I think of it as a kind of idyllic place, where I used to read and write with people who cared about reading and writing. I feel sad and wonder if I can be a high school teacher forever.
Then yesterday, I found out Shipyard Incidents was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. I wrote that story almost two years ago now, and revised it last year. It felt like the ghost of my former self, reaching out to my present self, saying, well, you used to be a writer, wanna be one still? I felt so motivated last night. I showed it to my friend Rachel who teaches here too, and she said she'd read anything I wrote.
This morning in 1st period, I had a really bad class. They told me, I'm not reading. You can't make me. They called me Ms. Casey continually, even after I told them my name was Ms. Sears, because she's "the other white lady" and they claim they can't keep us straight. One lied about needing to pick up his binder from his mom and when he came back, he had potato chips from sneaking into the teacher's lounge. They wouldn't put their cell phones away. But I just kept reminding myself, there's something bigger than this! It doesn't matter if they hate reading and writing. Not everyone does.